2007年10月18日

自己反省その2

昨日の記事で俗世間への不満をぶちまけてしまいましたが、自分にも落ち度があるのでプラスマイナスゼロにするために自己反省の記事を書きます。

頭の中で思い浮かんだ事が無意識に口に出ていることがある事
私は独り言が多いと言われていて、その自覚もあるのですが、なんでこうなるか考えた結果、どうも頭の中で言葉にしておくべき事が口に出ていることがあるようなのです。

たとえば、バイトでお酒の在庫数を数えるとき、数が多くなると頭の中で数えている数が口に出ているのです。これは、正確に本数を数えるためにそうなってしまうんですが、それで自分は頭の中で考えている事が口に出るタイプなんだなと気付いたわけです。

これが一人でいるときならばともかく、相手としゃべっているときに起きてしまうと地雷の元です。相手がしゃべっている最中で言葉が出てしまうのは、頭で考えている事をそのまま表現してしまうから。しかも、ふとした疑問ですら言葉に出てしまい、余計な一言が多い。これで知らず知らずのうちに失礼な事を言っていたり、相手を不本意ながら傷つけたりしてしまうわけですね・・・。

これで、ひどい目にあっているのに、なかなか気付かなかった自分の愚かさに反省。あーあ・・・。

世渡り上手は議論しない
去年から散々「議論は新しい考えを作る事。だからじゃんじゃかやるべき」と言っていましたが、一つ問題点が浮上しました。

それは、議論は目的はどうあれ、ある種のぶつかり合いであることには変わりは無いということです。つまり、ぶつかり合いの過程で色々なことを学べるかもしれないが、そう言うことに気付いていない人々にとっては単なる面倒くさい、疲れるだけのただの争いになってしまうわけですね。

日本の文化は余りしゃべりませんから、議論しないのは当然。だから、議論する力も弱いわけですね。更に言うと、日本人のコミュニケーションというのは、その場の雰囲気に合わせればいいわけだから、議論なんぞ必要ないと言うことです。このように日和見主義になって、議論しなければ要領良く世の中を渡れて良いわけですね。(私は日和見主義は大嫌いな性分ですが・・・。)

ついでに言うと、女性に議論を吹っかけることは最も愚かなことだと最近気付きました。夏目漱石の『こころ』で、先生の恋人の人が「男の人って議論がお好きですもんね」みたいなことを言っているシーンがありますが、この事からわかることは、女性は議論をしたがらないと言うことです。

うちの学部は女性が多いですが、その中で議論をしようとすれば、上滑りするのも当然です。なんで3年半の間気付かなかったんだろう・・・。

解決策としては、議論のための議論をしないようにすることでしょうか。つまり、議論を目的にしない。議論は、話を進める中で副次的に生じる物で、それが目的ではないと言うことです。発生したときに新しい事作ろうという信念の下、やればいいだけです。

ということで、表題の「世渡り上手は議論しない」は、自分への戒めです・・・。

Critical Evaluationを人に向ける点
議論に関連して、オーストラリアで全般に渡って学習した内容の一つにCritical Evaluationというのがあります。これは「批判的に判断する」、つまり「物事の良い点悪い点を明確にした上で総合的に判断する」と言うことです。

物事には良い点、悪い点があるのは当然。それを見極めないと、ろくでもない事になると言う信念の下、常にこの力を磨こうと決意したのですがやっぱり問題点が浮上しました。それは人にCritical Evaluationは使ってはならないと言うことです。

どういうことかというと、この物を見る「目」というのは、何かのアーギュメントやロジックとかそう言う物に使うべきであって人間に使うべきではない。格闘技の技を一般人に向けてはならないというルールのような物ですね。

人間ですから良い点・悪い点はあるのは当然。誰でも悪い点を言われるのは嫌ですよね。私はズバッと言うタイプなので尚更人に敬遠されてしまうようです。(良い点も言ってフォローしているのですが、追いつきそうに無い。)どうしても使いたいなら、悪いことは相手に言わないようにするのが一番でしょうね。

尚、教師はカウンセリングマインド、相手を受容する心構えが必要になってくる。これは、Critical Evaluationとは対を成す心構えですね。覚えちゃった物はしょうがないので、双方を適切なところで使えるようになれれば良いなと思います。

色々な事にとらわれすぎている点
自分を成績主義者・勝敗主義者たらしめている要因その1。意義や目的、意地やプライド、見栄などなどに私はどうも縛られているようです。

「自分はこの目的のために、こう言う意義があって勉強をしている。これは自分の誇りであって、そのためにも少しでも良い成績を取って云々」と言う事に捕らわれ、結果少しでも良い成績を出さなければと自分を追い込み、攻め立て、ちょっとでも上がいれば落胆し、結果しんどい状況にさせているわけです。

無頓着すぎなのも問題ありですが、私は色々な事に頓着しすぎのようです。どうも、最近しんどいなと思うのはこれのせいかもしれませんね。先生に言われましたが、人にかまけず、自分にかまけずに生きていかないとこの先やって行けないかも・・・。

明日に続きます・・・。
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2007年10月14日

Audio Device

My personal computer has been stubborn since the optic LAN was introduced. For, it took a fairly long time to boot the computer and sometimes the audio device does not work.

I updated my Windows and the problem gets not to happen. Though the speed does not seem so fast and I am annoyed at introducing the optic LAN...
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2007年10月12日

Graduation Thesis Part.3

I gave a presentation of my graduation thesis progression today. In order to prepare for it, I stopped updating my weblog during two days.

I explained about the background of phonics and problem in Japanese education. Although phonics is a good tool to memorize spelling and pronunciation, it is rare that English teachers teach the system.

In order to find out how much phonics is known, I am going to distribute a questionnare. I will consder about the distribution with my professor.
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2007年10月08日

Graduation Thesis Part.2

My professor e-mailed me today despite a holiday. His purpose was to tell me to reconsider about my thesis statement.

He was not convinced that the phonix helps learners learn words. For, they are forced to memorize both spelling and pronunciation. At the same time, learners must also learn the meaning. Therefore, he suggested me to reconsider the thesis statement that "phonics should be contributed for vocabluary building."

Actually, my thesis statement has a proof. That is my experience. I have been studying English since I was 5 years old. In my elementary school period, I learned many words as well as phonics. When I was a junior high school student, my word test scores were almost full. Moreover, I passed the 4th grade of STEP English test in the middle of 7th grader. I did not fail it, and I also passed 3rd grade when I was 8th grade. Finally, I defeated pre-2nd grade by the graduation.

This record can not be archieved without the knowledge of phonics. First, I can spell a word if I listen to the pronunciation with phonics. I sometimes suffered from the exceptions, but I always memorized them too. As can be seen, my English skills are not fostered witout phonics.

Though the background exists, I understood what he thinks and will accept his sincere suggestion. This experiment should need a lot of times and novice learners. It is impossible to organize a complex experiment.

Though there seem to be some problems, I will manage to make a good thesis statement.
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2007年10月07日

A Policeman Nobbled Me

A policeman passed by me on the way home after I bought "Saint Cloth Myth Andromeda Shun". After a while, he nobbled me on the street near a high school.

I was a little surprised at the nobbling. I wondered what bad behaviour I did on the street. According to him, a man touched a boy's hip. I was very similar to the man because I wore white and blue shirt and used a silver bike.

Though I like to play with children, I am not interested in a boy's hip in the sexual term. I am ceratin that I did not do such a stupid thing.

The policeman was very polite. He apologized me for nobbling suddenly many times. He said that a few days ago, a simillar incident occured and he nobbled a middle aged man, and he got angry to him. I heard that a policeman is arrogant, but he seemed to hesitate to conduct a search to ordinary people.

We waited for an hour in order to conduct a search. During that, pedestrian's eyes stinged me, and the policeman apologized me again.

During waiting for a car with the boy, we talked about Saint Seiya. Actually, the policeman used to watch the anime in his childhood. As his zodiac sign is Scorpion, he had the figure of Millo in Saint Cloth Series. In his childhood, lots of children had the figure. He also said the hierarchy of zodiac sign exist. Especially, children under the Cancer were misery...

After all, I was not the man who touched a child's hip. I was forced to wait for one hour, but I did not feel any bad feelings thanks to the polite policeman.
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2007年10月05日

Repair of my computer

I brought my black computer to Midoridenki to fix it. Though I have been using the computer for one and half year, the fan does not work well. For, a strange noise occurs at the use.

If the fan stops, it is possible to cause a fire. As I do not want my house burn, I have the computer fixed by the expert. I am afraid of the cost and period to repair my computer.
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2007年10月04日

Graduation Thesis Part1

I have a brief meeting with my professor. We talked about my graduation thesis and decide the direction.

My thesis statement is very simple. That is "phonix should be used not only as a tool for reading but vocabulurary building." Though the statement is very simple, it took a long time to come up with it.

In order to prove the statement, I have to conduct an experiment using some students. The experiment seems to need to use novice learners without much vocabuluary, but it is impossible to use them. Anyway, I have to work hard as much as possible.

I have to make a plan of the experiment by the next seminer.
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2007年10月03日

E-mail to my homeroom teacher

My homeroom teacher in my high school era who went to Canada sent me an e-mail saying he changed his e-mail address. Making use of this opportunity, I launched an e-mail telling my current situation.

He replied to it very quickly with a cheerful comment. I told him that I failed the education test. But, he cheered me up warmly and said "if you come up with any chances, take it as a first step or experience for your goal and work hard." He told me that someone is watching my effort if I keep working hard.

This comment moved me. Whenever I keep in touch with my former teachers, I can not help thanking them for watching me warmly. I felt it even in my student teacher program. This is why I want to be a high school teacher.

I always think what made a teacher really good. Is it academic skills, TOEIC score, or expertness? Yes, it will make a teacher great to teach English. But, the most importantly, I am certain that the hearty action for students is essential to be a good teacher like my homeroom teacher. A really good teacher always watches a student working hard and push them up. This is one of the factors to be a great teacher. It does not matter whether or not the students graduate from a school.

I have a person to cheer up in my seminar. She failed an entracnce test of a graduate school despite much harder effort than that of mine. I would like to give a message like my teacher to her. I think that this is one of my tasks to be a good teacher.
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2007年10月01日

Graduation Thesis

I am preparing for my graduation thesis. Though I used to research about loan words, I shifted to write about English education for my entrance of graduate school. (So, all my resource was reset...)

As I said before, I am interested in relationship between spellings and the memorization of words. I am reading theses and books about phonics and whole language. I am now making an argument for my thesis.

The source is gathering rather fast. I hope that I can write a good thesis enough to enter the graduate school.
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2007年09月30日

Optic LAN

My Internet line was developed to the optic line system. This is the fastest line and is getting popular.

Though the line was improved, I can not feel the improvement. For, I do not feel it much faster than the former line. It would take a little long time to find the improvement...
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2007年09月29日

Ladies Only

I sometimes enter the ladies only car at the loop line. Of course, I did not intend to go into the ladies car in order to stand out. It is just an accident. Especially, I tend to do when I hurry up.

I always wonder why JR does not divide the train. For, it is unreasonable that they settle a car for ladies. If they want to protect ladies from crime, they should settle gentle man only car like a public bath. For instance, the front 4 cars are for women, and the latter is for ladies.

Anyway I do not want to be made shame due to the unreasonable system.
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2007年09月22日

A plan of my future

I have been planning my next action since I failed the test. Reflecting myself, I was a machine aiming to one goal. I spent restless days.

I end up thinking that I do not have to hurry. On the contrary, if I have passed the exam, I could not have reflected myself and stood the resoponsibility to take care of students.

Concerning about this, I decided to enter the graduate school in Hyogo. I want to study education more through discussion with teachers in the graduate school and obtain skills to be a good teacher.

This is nothing but one plan. I will do all I can do for my future.
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2007年09月18日

Changing the system of comment

Recently, my blog is attacked by a lot of spam comments. In order to solve the problem, I changed the system of comments.

Please write the pin word appearing before launching your comment. This pin word prevents spam comments which are written automatically.
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2007年09月13日

I changed the picture

I changed the picture at the left hand from Gaofighgar to Pegasus Seiya (Final Bronze Cloth).

This change stands for my mental change. I decided to reset myself and to keep doing my best without throwing hope and giving up. As long as a tiny hope remains, I will never give up as if I were a Bronze Saint in the anime.

I will wirte a review about the figure soon.
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2007年09月01日

I have revived

I am sorry for stopping updating my blog suddenly. I was very depressed due to failing the examination. I made a recovery from the shock of failing. But, I did not know why I failed and I have been thinking of the reason. I am still concerning about it.

Making use of this opportunity, I use the internet less than usual and did what I did not do. Howver, no matter what things I did, I could not enjoy them.

Anyway, it is much better to restart to write my diary than nothing...
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2007年07月24日

The Roop Line Stopped

I go to my university using JR roop line. Today, I went to my university to take an examination of school counceling. I left my home around 1:30 because the test is organized at three o'clock.

Though I thought that I could arrived at my university thirty minutes before the test would begin. But, an accident occured. The roop line did not work due to a sudden mentainance at Shin-Imamiya!

I was forced not to use the roop line but to use subway from Osaka to Namba. Then I changed the train to get my uni. The connection, however, was so bad that I was forced to wait for 15 minutes.

Finally, I arrived at university. But, the test had already begun. Though I took the exam 15 minutes after the beginning, I managed to answer precisely and I finished it.

This was an unexpected trouble. If the train had not stopped, I could have reached my university on time. I could not help getting angry today.
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2007年07月23日

Decisive Battle Part 2

My first employment test has finished. In order to concentrate on the test, I stopped updatting my blog. I am sorry for not informing it.

I went to a high school to take the test. Though I kept studying for a long time, I could not mark higher 75%. I always marked about 60 percent when I took the sham exams.

I just concentrate on the test without thinking of the mark. According to my experience, when I tried to defeat someone or a test, I always failed. However, I just concetrate on the test without intentions, I am able to do my best.

Next day, I visited my edcation teacher to confirm the mark. I feel as if I were in a court and were waiting for a declaration of "death penalty."

I checked my answer with my colleagues who took the test. They memorized the number. They researched it with the internet and Tokyo Academy.

My mark was 31/40! This is my best record. Though my colleagues said the test was easy, their mark was not different from mine.

I can wait for the result with a hope.
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2007年07月16日

Decisive Battle Part1

I took the interview test of education employment test. This is the first step to be employed as a teacher.

The format of the interview is group. We are devided into a group consisted of 6 applicants. Two interviewers ask questions to them, and candidates are supposed to answer briefly.

The avarage age of my group was fairly high. Only one person and I were a student. My neighbour said that she has a child, and she knows a view of parents.

First of all, we are to introduce ourselves and to state our strength. Due to the order of ID, I was the first speaker. Though I was upset somehow, I prepared for the PR in case of this situation. It bore fruit, and I was able to introduce myself as I wanted to.

The first question was "What parents demand to schools?" I answered "they demand confidential relationship with students". That is beacause the parents want to send their children to the schools confidently, and they want to know what happened in the school. If the teachers have a good relationship to students, the students will report their situation comfortablly to their parents.

The second one was "How do you treat students who chat or do not study during class?" I answered that the teachers should show a goal which suits students' needs. If they find the necesity, they will study hard without chatting. The purpose which meets students' need will motivate the students, I thought.

The third one was "Why do you study English? Please tell your reason to the students." Though I had a reason that we can communicate with many people all over the world, others told the similar reasons. So, I changed the point of view. I said, "Eighty percent of the books in the world is are written in English. If we can use the English language, our view will be expanded." The interviewers nodded my answer very much.

The last one was to tell the interviewers our experience which moved us or which we tried hard in our life. This is because students see teachers' way of life.

My answer was the experience in Australia. The childrend do not discriminate others and accept the difference and insist theirselves with compromising each other. This is the significant attitude to live in the globalization .

These are the questions I had. I answererd them with my confidence and told what I wanted to say. I have no regret at this interview.
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2007年07月13日

TOEIC Score Part 2

The score of TOEIC in June has returned to me. The score was improved.

Listening 420
Reading 395

Total 815

At the former reading result was 420, and that means I have a potential to mark 840 at TOEIC test.

I want to improve my score more...
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2007年07月12日

Entry Sheet

I had my entry sheet checked by a teacher of education section, and he told me to revise it. Though there are no problems at PR section, my reason to apply for the regeion had a problem.

According to him, my comment is not consecutive. That means my reason is fairly abstract and does not appeal to the readers.

I am forced to scrumble to revise my entry sheet in spite of this period...
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